A life in theater, especially as a playwright, can be filled with skips and restarts. That’s what I’ve found to be true for me. There are times when things go well and then depressing periods with occasional bouts of quitting completely. And even though I swore up and down I had quit theater, I never really did. I only stopped calling myself a playwright.
When I was interviewed by American Theatre magazine about sexism in theater in 2016, I made a conscious decision not to call myself a playwright. To be honest, I was fed up with sexism and could not see a way around it anymore. Not only did I experience the brunt of it myself, I saw other women struggling with it as well. Let’s face it, I have been involved with theater since 1986, when I started acting as a teenager. I had been staring at this problem for a very long time. It’s natural to throw up your hands when you’ve seen and experienced a problem for that long. Quitting theater seems like the only thing to do.
On a side note, I’m glad that we can all talk about it without being ostracized. Because that’s what has always happened in the past.
My very personal way of dealing with sexism in theater has been to go stealth. I write but I don’t show anyone. I don’t send my work out. It hasn’t been for lack of confidence in myself. I’ve lacked confidence in the theater scene that didn’t see women’s writing as being valuable.
While this all seems very self-sabotaging to the outside world, I don’t think it’s true. I wanted to write stories and plays that meant something. It takes time and wisdom to achieve that goal. I thought I was pretty wise back in the day. When I look back at my work, I don’t think it’s terrible. But I do know that I can fill in a lot of blank spaces because of my age and perspective. If you quit theater but you haven’t left the building, you are not alone.
As I head toward putting out my work once again, I know it is work that matters to me. I hope others will find meaning in it as well. They aren’t personal stories, so much as things I’ve learned along the way. It’s time for me to start sharing wisdom. It’s a different time, but one that I am embracing completely.